going insane

Date: Feb 23, 2007
Mood: Very unsatisfied, depressed, tired, lonely, missing you, hurt


*sighs* This has definately been a crappy reading week.
I hate school and work so much. And not just my own school, but the fact that school has stolen the most important person from me.
I started to plan out/write some poetry in my head lastnight at work. I'm not sure if I'll ever actually post it, but I may. It's shitty how when I have time to hang out with people, they don't have time for me. I understand that school needs to be peoples priority, but that doesn't take away the pain.
All I've really managed to acomplish this reading week was annoy someone and be depressed.
Apparently, wanting to be with people, wanting to be loved, and wanting to talk to them is too much. Fuck, I'm sick of this. I've been feeling so empty lately. I manage to feel ok for short periods of time, but I'm ALWAYS draged back down to this. *sighs* and since everyone is too busy to talk, I'm reduced to writing journal entries that will either be dissmissed as emo crap or likely not even read in the first place. I've been increasingly asking myself why I'm even bothering with the internet in the first place. It's the cause of most of my pain, yet I'm addicted to it, and it is also the source of my rare, but pleasant joy. The poems I've been thinking of all seem to have a common theme, holding you in my arms. Fuck I just want to fall asleep in your arms, to be with you, share life with you. I miss your voice, I miss the sounds you make.
Dammit, I can't even think straight anymore.
I tried to keep myself busy earlier, tried to do some coding... but I kept thinking of you.
Work has been shitty because they have been cutting shifts so I have to do the work of 3 people. They called me up, cause they need me to work tonight...
I agreed to go because I'm gonna feel like crap regardless, atleast if I'm at work I can't be a nuissance to you.
But it makes me sad because you'll either be asleep when I get home or busy. And if you aren't, you'll probably be talking to someone else instead.

Fuck, it's like I'm half writing an email and half writing a journal.

(to everyone who is confused, I don't even care anymore and it doesn't matter who 'you' is fuck I dunno even why I'm posting this, fuck fuck fuck.)