February 28th, 2007
Mood: happy to be alive, affectionate.
Weather
Nice and bright, a little chilly though.
Being ignored
Oops. I was wrong. She wasn't ignoring me at all. I am sorry for jumping to conclusions.
Being emo
Lately I've been kinda down and emo-ish. Sorry about that too. I'm feeling pretty good so far though today.
Update on pain
It seems to have gone away for now. I slept REALLY solidly lastnight because of the meds, and I think that helped. Also had a scaldingly hot shower which loosened my muscles a little bit, I think.
School
Well, I really need to drop english. And I missed the deadline on one code project and the other one is due today, but I haven't felt up to attempting it yet.
myspace
I got my myspace blog ( http://blog.myspace.com/nikuramon ) colored the way I like. I am pleased about this. Also, I got an ICQ # 372780591. Anyone that uses it should add me.
Art
Well, as I mentioned, I was working on some poetry and a story. I plan on continuing them and maybe uploading them.
I also charged all 4 sets of batteries for my camera. My memory card (1gb)
was full, so I formatted it (after making multiple backups of all pictures on it). What I'm saying is that I have made all preparations to take pictures, and I fully intend to.
Laplace transforms
...uh... I haven't payed any attention to the classes where he taught this, so if someone out there is good with laplace transforms for solving differential equations, please help!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
idunno
February 27th, 2007
Mood: intoxicated, ignored, strangely calm, lonely, missing you, and kinda depressed
Music: Gary Jules - Mad World, Nine Inch Nails - Right Where it Belongs
Writing
On the bus this morning there was this girl. And she looked interesting and I was bored so I just started to write this descriptive paragraph about her. It turned out mediocre, but it is a start.
==
"a girl boards the bus, she carries a tripod and wears a black coat and black rimmed glasses with wide side pieces. She has a red skirt with white dots and she sits across from me. She is wearing an additional black skirt underneath (it looks like) and black stockings and cute black boots. Her skin is fair and her hair is copper. On her backpack, there are a few band logos stitched on. Her hair is drawn back into a slight ponytail, tied off with a white hair elastic. I wish I had spiked my hair as I try not to be too obvious as I look at her."
==
Late
I slept in and missed my first two classes. I just didn't feel like getting out of bed today. I'm not going to debate weather or not fate exists. I don't really believe in it, but at the same time, it works well to describe certain things. When someone is condemned to death, they can fight it, or they can be at piece with it. I am essentially at that stage. There really is nothing I can do about it, and whining wont really help either. I guess I'm just tired.
When an animal knows it is going to die, it attains a sort of calm...
Pain
I dunno why, but my upper shoulders and neck are sore. Worse then they were yesterday. I don't know, maybe I'm not sleeping as well as I should be...
It is also somewhat interesting to explore how emotional pain is physically manifested by the body. Recently I've had a few nights where I become cold like a block of ice and felt sick. The feeling eventually passed, but I just find it odd how the mind makes the body suffer.
Skirts
This one girl (who's school apparently has a dresscode) was tying her shoes by putting her feet on a bench. This added a small bit of joy to my day.
Poetry
I got so bored in electricity that I just started writing. I don't know if it is worthy of submission yet, but it isn't too bad. I also started writing a short story. And even if I finish writing it, I may never submit it.
Got out early
My electricity prof wasn't feeling well so he let us out half an hour early. This allowed me to catch an earlier bus and this also makes me a bit happier.
Please watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
This made me smile.
Creativity
I knew once I got home, my creativity would be gone. And so I'm hoping it will be back tomorrow.
Update
I was feeling down and stuff so I took that sleeping stuff that has the same effect as alcohol. So I dunno. I dunno where I was going with this and thinking is hard so I'll post more stuff later, bye.
Mood: intoxicated, ignored, strangely calm, lonely, missing you, and kinda depressed
Music: Gary Jules - Mad World, Nine Inch Nails - Right Where it Belongs
Writing
On the bus this morning there was this girl. And she looked interesting and I was bored so I just started to write this descriptive paragraph about her. It turned out mediocre, but it is a start.
==
"a girl boards the bus, she carries a tripod and wears a black coat and black rimmed glasses with wide side pieces. She has a red skirt with white dots and she sits across from me. She is wearing an additional black skirt underneath (it looks like) and black stockings and cute black boots. Her skin is fair and her hair is copper. On her backpack, there are a few band logos stitched on. Her hair is drawn back into a slight ponytail, tied off with a white hair elastic. I wish I had spiked my hair as I try not to be too obvious as I look at her."
==
Late
I slept in and missed my first two classes. I just didn't feel like getting out of bed today. I'm not going to debate weather or not fate exists. I don't really believe in it, but at the same time, it works well to describe certain things. When someone is condemned to death, they can fight it, or they can be at piece with it. I am essentially at that stage. There really is nothing I can do about it, and whining wont really help either. I guess I'm just tired.
When an animal knows it is going to die, it attains a sort of calm...
Pain
I dunno why, but my upper shoulders and neck are sore. Worse then they were yesterday. I don't know, maybe I'm not sleeping as well as I should be...
It is also somewhat interesting to explore how emotional pain is physically manifested by the body. Recently I've had a few nights where I become cold like a block of ice and felt sick. The feeling eventually passed, but I just find it odd how the mind makes the body suffer.
Skirts
This one girl (who's school apparently has a dresscode) was tying her shoes by putting her feet on a bench. This added a small bit of joy to my day.
Poetry
I got so bored in electricity that I just started writing. I don't know if it is worthy of submission yet, but it isn't too bad. I also started writing a short story. And even if I finish writing it, I may never submit it.
Got out early
My electricity prof wasn't feeling well so he let us out half an hour early. This allowed me to catch an earlier bus and this also makes me a bit happier.
Please watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
This made me smile.
Creativity
I knew once I got home, my creativity would be gone. And so I'm hoping it will be back tomorrow.
Update
I was feeling down and stuff so I took that sleeping stuff that has the same effect as alcohol. So I dunno. I dunno where I was going with this and thinking is hard so I'll post more stuff later, bye.
Monday, February 26, 2007
a lonely week
February 26th, 2007
Mood: bored, missing you,
Smelling: diesel fuel
Reading week
Well, that was definitely one of my most unproductive weeks ever. It was also incredibly boring and lonely. Oh well, maybe next time. Goodness knows, she deserves some time off.
I did get a chance to lay around and do nothing though. So I'm not as tense as I was, although that is sure to change, as I think I missed the submission date on one of my code projects and I haven't started the other yet.
Sunrise
While I was waiting for my bus this morning, the sun was positioned just so that the sky was orange and pink. I shot a few pictures and it looks like they turned out ok, but I was about 6 or 7 minutes too early. And I couldn't get a good shot from the bus.
Weather
It was pretty cold waiting for the bus this morning. It needs to be nice and spring and flowers plz. Plz plz plz. oPlz.
Server
I updated my site a little bit. It isn't much better, but it is up.
Hair
My hilights are standing up well. They don't seem to have faded much if at all yet.
Being positive
lawl
Ok, so I'm not the most positive person. I have a tendency to focus on the bad things. (as someone keeps reminding me.) But her telling me that I'm doing that is really good and important because I don't usually notice myself doing it. (and I can't correct it if I don't realize I'm doing it.)
A lot of you sent me messages and chatted with me. Thanks. You've all helped me.
Music
I can't stand silence. It makes me feel lonely. Initially, my many computer fans were comforting, but after years of hearing them, and their unchanging tone, I unconsciously filter them out. I listened to a lot of last.fm radio last week. Even listening to it as I fell asleep. It was how I prevented myself from slipping into a huge depression... it didn't make me feel good, but it took the edge off the loneliness.
Ahhh, I'll be downtown soon. I think I'll take the bus from the mall to NAIT.
...
I'm at NAIT now.
Hey, anyone from Edmonton or area reading this blog?
Mood: bored, missing you,
Smelling: diesel fuel
Reading week
Well, that was definitely one of my most unproductive weeks ever. It was also incredibly boring and lonely. Oh well, maybe next time. Goodness knows, she deserves some time off.
I did get a chance to lay around and do nothing though. So I'm not as tense as I was, although that is sure to change, as I think I missed the submission date on one of my code projects and I haven't started the other yet.
Sunrise
While I was waiting for my bus this morning, the sun was positioned just so that the sky was orange and pink. I shot a few pictures and it looks like they turned out ok, but I was about 6 or 7 minutes too early. And I couldn't get a good shot from the bus.
Weather
It was pretty cold waiting for the bus this morning. It needs to be nice and spring and flowers plz. Plz plz plz. oPlz.
Server
I updated my site a little bit. It isn't much better, but it is up.
Hair
My hilights are standing up well. They don't seem to have faded much if at all yet.
Being positive
lawl
Ok, so I'm not the most positive person. I have a tendency to focus on the bad things. (as someone keeps reminding me.) But her telling me that I'm doing that is really good and important because I don't usually notice myself doing it. (and I can't correct it if I don't realize I'm doing it.)
A lot of you sent me messages and chatted with me. Thanks. You've all helped me.
Music
I can't stand silence. It makes me feel lonely. Initially, my many computer fans were comforting, but after years of hearing them, and their unchanging tone, I unconsciously filter them out. I listened to a lot of last.fm radio last week. Even listening to it as I fell asleep. It was how I prevented myself from slipping into a huge depression... it didn't make me feel good, but it took the edge off the loneliness.
Ahhh, I'll be downtown soon. I think I'll take the bus from the mall to NAIT.
...
I'm at NAIT now.
Hey, anyone from Edmonton or area reading this blog?
Friday, February 23, 2007
going insane
Date: Feb 23, 2007
Mood: Very unsatisfied, depressed, tired, lonely, missing you, hurt
*sighs* This has definately been a crappy reading week.
I hate school and work so much. And not just my own school, but the fact that school has stolen the most important person from me.
I started to plan out/write some poetry in my head lastnight at work. I'm not sure if I'll ever actually post it, but I may. It's shitty how when I have time to hang out with people, they don't have time for me. I understand that school needs to be peoples priority, but that doesn't take away the pain.
All I've really managed to acomplish this reading week was annoy someone and be depressed.
Apparently, wanting to be with people, wanting to be loved, and wanting to talk to them is too much. Fuck, I'm sick of this. I've been feeling so empty lately. I manage to feel ok for short periods of time, but I'm ALWAYS draged back down to this. *sighs* and since everyone is too busy to talk, I'm reduced to writing journal entries that will either be dissmissed as emo crap or likely not even read in the first place. I've been increasingly asking myself why I'm even bothering with the internet in the first place. It's the cause of most of my pain, yet I'm addicted to it, and it is also the source of my rare, but pleasant joy. The poems I've been thinking of all seem to have a common theme, holding you in my arms. Fuck I just want to fall asleep in your arms, to be with you, share life with you. I miss your voice, I miss the sounds you make.
Dammit, I can't even think straight anymore.
I tried to keep myself busy earlier, tried to do some coding... but I kept thinking of you.
Work has been shitty because they have been cutting shifts so I have to do the work of 3 people. They called me up, cause they need me to work tonight...
I agreed to go because I'm gonna feel like crap regardless, atleast if I'm at work I can't be a nuissance to you.
But it makes me sad because you'll either be asleep when I get home or busy. And if you aren't, you'll probably be talking to someone else instead.
Fuck, it's like I'm half writing an email and half writing a journal.
(to everyone who is confused, I don't even care anymore and it doesn't matter who 'you' is fuck I dunno even why I'm posting this, fuck fuck fuck.)
Mood: Very unsatisfied, depressed, tired, lonely, missing you, hurt
*sighs* This has definately been a crappy reading week.
I hate school and work so much. And not just my own school, but the fact that school has stolen the most important person from me.
I started to plan out/write some poetry in my head lastnight at work. I'm not sure if I'll ever actually post it, but I may. It's shitty how when I have time to hang out with people, they don't have time for me. I understand that school needs to be peoples priority, but that doesn't take away the pain.
All I've really managed to acomplish this reading week was annoy someone and be depressed.
Apparently, wanting to be with people, wanting to be loved, and wanting to talk to them is too much. Fuck, I'm sick of this. I've been feeling so empty lately. I manage to feel ok for short periods of time, but I'm ALWAYS draged back down to this. *sighs* and since everyone is too busy to talk, I'm reduced to writing journal entries that will either be dissmissed as emo crap or likely not even read in the first place. I've been increasingly asking myself why I'm even bothering with the internet in the first place. It's the cause of most of my pain, yet I'm addicted to it, and it is also the source of my rare, but pleasant joy. The poems I've been thinking of all seem to have a common theme, holding you in my arms. Fuck I just want to fall asleep in your arms, to be with you, share life with you. I miss your voice, I miss the sounds you make.
Dammit, I can't even think straight anymore.
I tried to keep myself busy earlier, tried to do some coding... but I kept thinking of you.
Work has been shitty because they have been cutting shifts so I have to do the work of 3 people. They called me up, cause they need me to work tonight...
I agreed to go because I'm gonna feel like crap regardless, atleast if I'm at work I can't be a nuissance to you.
But it makes me sad because you'll either be asleep when I get home or busy. And if you aren't, you'll probably be talking to someone else instead.
Fuck, it's like I'm half writing an email and half writing a journal.
(to everyone who is confused, I don't even care anymore and it doesn't matter who 'you' is fuck I dunno even why I'm posting this, fuck fuck fuck.)
Monday, February 19, 2007
meh, probably not worth reading
February 18th, 2007
4:19 am
Mood: unsatisfied, insomnia, tired, in need of cuddling
Insomnia hits.
I kinda feel like I'm gonna fall asleep though.
I dunno.
Weather:
dunno, haven't been outside.
The other day though, it was really slushy and icky, but the temperature was very nice.
Hair:
Yes, I finally got it done (on thursday). My hair has finally been cut. I got hilights put in also. They are a redish orange, and are supposed to fade to copper color eventually.
Network:
fixed! (this was important to me, because I needed the network up so someone could get a file. Which is all that matters.)
elk;rjerw
(it was at this point that I fell asleep)
February 19th, 2007
17:39
Mood: unsatisfied, tired, in need of cuddling, kinda lonely
Felt lonely and kind of depressed lastnight.
Actually, although I'm trying to force myself to finish this, I really don't feel like it.
I hope the rest of my week off improves.
4:19 am
Mood: unsatisfied, insomnia, tired, in need of cuddling
Insomnia hits.
I kinda feel like I'm gonna fall asleep though.
I dunno.
Weather:
dunno, haven't been outside.
The other day though, it was really slushy and icky, but the temperature was very nice.
Hair:
Yes, I finally got it done (on thursday). My hair has finally been cut. I got hilights put in also. They are a redish orange, and are supposed to fade to copper color eventually.
Network:
fixed! (this was important to me, because I needed the network up so someone could get a file. Which is all that matters.)
elk;rjerw
(it was at this point that I fell asleep)
February 19th, 2007
17:39
Mood: unsatisfied, tired, in need of cuddling, kinda lonely
Felt lonely and kind of depressed lastnight.
Actually, although I'm trying to force myself to finish this, I really don't feel like it.
I hope the rest of my week off improves.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Feburary 15th, 2007
Mood: Energetic/excited to be alive
Weather:
Not bad, actually!
It is hovering around 0c at the moment and is nice and sunny.
Scripting:
Just created possibly the workflow I'll use most on this computer (yay for lazyness!). It will autoresize images for me and this is good cause I need smaller images for uploading. Now, I just need to do a bit of camwhoring :3
Ya, so liek this automator thingy... he's liek this tinsy d00d who lives in ur computer. He's a robot but also a slave!
Be his friend plz.
Oh! also, hi Steve!!
Blogging:
Launched my new blogging style yesterday.
Hope you all like it.
School:
oops, slept in and missed my first class.
Next week is reading week. Hell yeah!
Feelings:
Well, I feel full of love and quite loved at the moment. I'm feeling creative and artistic, but I'm sure that feeling will pass :P
I also feel like traveling. I feel like visiting some friends in the USA, then traveling to Europe for a while. At the moment though, I don't have any travel planned.
V-day:
Yesterday was valentines day. I wanted to do something for someone, to show her I love her, to make her happy. Unfortunately, I suck and so I couldn't come up with anything worthy. Next time though.
K, guys. The bus is almost there. I'm gonna pack up and post this as soon as I have signal.
with much love,
-niku
Mood: Energetic/excited to be alive
Weather:
Not bad, actually!
It is hovering around 0c at the moment and is nice and sunny.
Scripting:
Just created possibly the workflow I'll use most on this computer (yay for lazyness!). It will autoresize images for me and this is good cause I need smaller images for uploading. Now, I just need to do a bit of camwhoring :3
Ya, so liek this automator thingy... he's liek this tinsy d00d who lives in ur computer. He's a robot but also a slave!
Be his friend plz.
Oh! also, hi Steve!!
Blogging:
Launched my new blogging style yesterday.
Hope you all like it.
School:
oops, slept in and missed my first class.
Next week is reading week. Hell yeah!
Feelings:
Well, I feel full of love and quite loved at the moment. I'm feeling creative and artistic, but I'm sure that feeling will pass :P
I also feel like traveling. I feel like visiting some friends in the USA, then traveling to Europe for a while. At the moment though, I don't have any travel planned.
V-day:
Yesterday was valentines day. I wanted to do something for someone, to show her I love her, to make her happy. Unfortunately, I suck and so I couldn't come up with anything worthy. Next time though.
K, guys. The bus is almost there. I'm gonna pack up and post this as soon as I have signal.
with much love,
-niku
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
the end of one era... the start of another
February, 14th, 2007.
Mood: Energetic/refreshed/excited
The end of one era...
...the beginning of another
Weather:
(omfg wait. This dude in goth/punk clothes got on the bus. And although he isn't that good looking, the black with metal look is pretty cool. But his shoes! OMFG! They are huge and omfg so sexy! *drools* They are very bulky and I dunno why they are so hot)
It's about -35 degrees Celsius with the windchill. It is pretty windy and there is a lot of blowing snow. I was thinking of going across to the mall today during my spare to get a haircut but... heh, I may just choose to stay inside.
School:
Well, after writing my midterm in electronics and being pretty confident that I failed, I was surprised to find that I actually got 60% (or is that a 66%? I can't read his writing). We were allowed to bring in a double sided sheet with whatever formulas we wanted to use. Of course, I forgot, but a good friend had taken notes on the course electronically (these notes were amazing), and we printed them out and managed to fit four highly relevant pages of notes on there. This saved my ass and I really owe him. Unfortunately, he didn't do so well on the test.
The blogosphere:
So I technically have three blogs. My vox blog, my livejournal, and my blog. However, I usually cross post to ALL the sites I'm on.
I'm considering a different format.
I'm going to try posting my blogs on the blog sites and link to them in my artsite journals. The artsite journals will probably contain more relevant info to the specific site I'm on. I'll also post the tags that I think the blog falls under so you know if you are interested or not.
You can leave comments on these blogs at any of the places where I post them.
Oh! I'm also on del.icio.us, which, if you don't know, is sort of a bookmark sharing community thing. http://del.icio.us/nikuramon. I'll link neat stuff there, check it out sometimes. You can probably also subscribe to an atom or rss feed of some of my blogs, if you need more information of how, let me know.
Social networking:
I've joined a couple new sites and updated my info on some older ones.
It's always been my opinion that the internets greatest resource is the people who use it. Not just read the information, but actually choose to add to it.
I feel connected, do you?
Hacking:
Picked up the newer issue of 2600 cause I'm dumb and forgot it came out. Sometimes I get lost in my own little world. But luckily a friend reminded me!
--niku
Mood: Energetic/refreshed/excited
The end of one era...
...the beginning of another
Weather:
(omfg wait. This dude in goth/punk clothes got on the bus. And although he isn't that good looking, the black with metal look is pretty cool. But his shoes! OMFG! They are huge and omfg so sexy! *drools* They are very bulky and I dunno why they are so hot)
It's about -35 degrees Celsius with the windchill. It is pretty windy and there is a lot of blowing snow. I was thinking of going across to the mall today during my spare to get a haircut but... heh, I may just choose to stay inside.
School:
Well, after writing my midterm in electronics and being pretty confident that I failed, I was surprised to find that I actually got 60% (or is that a 66%? I can't read his writing). We were allowed to bring in a double sided sheet with whatever formulas we wanted to use. Of course, I forgot, but a good friend had taken notes on the course electronically (these notes were amazing), and we printed them out and managed to fit four highly relevant pages of notes on there. This saved my ass and I really owe him. Unfortunately, he didn't do so well on the test.
The blogosphere:
So I technically have three blogs. My vox blog, my livejournal, and my blog. However, I usually cross post to ALL the sites I'm on.
I'm considering a different format.
I'm going to try posting my blogs on the blog sites and link to them in my artsite journals. The artsite journals will probably contain more relevant info to the specific site I'm on. I'll also post the tags that I think the blog falls under so you know if you are interested or not.
You can leave comments on these blogs at any of the places where I post them.
Oh! I'm also on del.icio.us, which, if you don't know, is sort of a bookmark sharing community thing. http://del.icio.us/nikuramon. I'll link neat stuff there, check it out sometimes. You can probably also subscribe to an atom or rss feed of some of my blogs, if you need more information of how, let me know.
Social networking:
I've joined a couple new sites and updated my info on some older ones.
It's always been my opinion that the internets greatest resource is the people who use it. Not just read the information, but actually choose to add to it.
I feel connected, do you?
Hacking:
Picked up the newer issue of 2600 cause I'm dumb and forgot it came out. Sometimes I get lost in my own little world. But luckily a friend reminded me!
--niku
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
blog
more content coming soon <3
You can find the entries from before I remembered about this blog at:
http://nikuramon.vox.com/
You can find the entries from before I remembered about this blog at:
http://nikuramon.vox.com/
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