out

Date: March 9th, 2007
Mood: bored, tired, a little lonely

Another beautiful and warm day. I overslept again but I didn't miss anything important. I couldn't find my sunglasses (the magnetic ones) but I found the cool looking ones so I'm wearing them.

I was right about the way I felt yesterday. As soon as I sat down to do work, I stared blankly until I just felt like laying down.

I have tonight off. which is kinda nice, except I don't really have anything planned except that I don't want to be sitting infront of my computer all night. I want to go out, but I encounter two minor setbacks. One is that sitting in a club alone probably would make me feel worse so I need to find someone to go with, and the other problem is I don't drive. I have driven before and know how to, but I've never gotten around to being road tested yet. And even if I had, I don't have anything to drive. (Nor could I afford fuel and insurance for that matter.)
This becomes a problem because although there are many busses in edmonton during the day, there aren't really any I can take at 3 or 4 in the morning.
I really need to get out though so I'll have to see what I can arrange.
Saturday doesn't look promising for going out because I have to work and on Sunday, I should be studying for a midterm.
I am hoping that by doing something tonight, I'll be able to relax and then I'll be able to focus better. But unless I can find someone to hang out with, I'm screwed.

muh

Date: March 1st, 2007
Mood: cold, apathetic

I'd almost swear I was a sinusoidal function or something.

Lastnight
Well, I had code to write. But I was missing someone. A lot. But I promised a friend I wouldn't be emo because it was hurting him. And I really didn't feel up to doing anything. So I took the stuff that helps me sleep again, hoping it would calm me, and it helped, but not enough. So I got my bottle of Jack Daniels out and had a glass of it. This helped even more and soon I was singing along with 80's songs!
Now, as for the coding... I have successfully written code while drunk before. But I was feeling artistic so I cropped and resized some photos instead! But then I was tired so I went to bed instead and didn't actually get around to coding.

Food
Food hasn't really interested me lately. I'm barely eating and when I do, it is not particularly healthy (I seem to only be able to force myself to eat tiny amounts of chocolate). Actually, a lot of things haven't interested me lately. I didn't feel like waking up earlier so I missed my first class and now, I'm seriously considering hanging out at the mall instead of going to math.

Mental health
lol, more like the lack thereof. I'm not entirely sure what is going on, nor do I want to speculate why I've become like this. And I don't want anyone else jumping to conclusions either. I dunno, everything just feels pointless lately.

Giving up
I dunno, I guess that seems like the best way to describe how I feel. I feel like I've pretty much given up on everything.
I'm not really the type to lie online, so I won't say I'm happy, but I'm not emo or depressed or anything, so don't worry about me.

Sleep
I thought I slept well, but I guess I didn't. I kept falling asleep on the bus. I don't think I'll go to the mall, I think I'll just sleep through math-class instead.
And I still need help on that laplace stuff.

lying to myself
no matter how much I convince myself otherwise, everything I do is for selfish reasons, and I'd like to apologize to everyone about that.

I just got myself some coffee in hopes it will perk me up.
I don't know how I keep writing these entries.