It's really annoying when people like to pretend that humans are better than animals. Humans ARE animals. Sure we might be a lot smarter than most of the other animals and we have things like philosophy, but deep down inside, we are animals. And I'll just say right now, in case you think I'm gonna get into some PETA bullshit, I'm not. PETA are a bunch of morons and should be shot on sight, really. Cause they're fucking crazy and hypocritical and stupid. The stupid part is most of the reason they should die.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
Monday, March 02, 2009
aspirations
It's really annoying when people like to pretend that humans are better than animals. Humans ARE animals. Sure we might be a lot smarter than most of the other animals and we have things like philosophy, but deep down inside, we are animals. And I'll just say right now, in case you think I'm gonna get into some PETA bullshit, I'm not. PETA are a bunch of morons and should be shot on sight, really. Cause they're fucking crazy and hypocritical and stupid. The stupid part is most of the reason they should die.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
aspirations
It's really annoying when people like to pretend that humans are better than animals. Humans ARE animals. Sure we might be a lot smarter than most of the other animals and we have things like philosophy, but deep down inside, we are animals. And I'll just say right now, in case you think I'm gonna get into some PETA bullshit, I'm not. PETA are a bunch of morons and should be shot on sight, really. Cause they're fucking crazy and hypocritical and stupid. The stupid part is most of the reason they should die.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
aspirations
It's really annoying when people like to pretend that humans are better than animals. Humans ARE animals. Sure we might be a lot smarter than most of the other animals and we have things like philosophy, but deep down inside, we are animals. And I'll just say right now, in case you think I'm gonna get into some PETA bullshit, I'm not. PETA are a bunch of morons and should be shot on sight, really. Cause they're fucking crazy and hypocritical and stupid. The stupid part is most of the reason they should die.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
aspirations
It's really annoying when people like to pretend that humans are better than animals. Humans ARE animals. Sure we might be a lot smarter than most of the other animals and we have things like philosophy, but deep down inside, we are animals. And I'll just say right now, in case you think I'm gonna get into some PETA bullshit, I'm not. PETA are a bunch of morons and should be shot on sight, really. Cause they're fucking crazy and hypocritical and stupid. The stupid part is most of the reason they should die.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
Anyway, if it wasn't clear enough, from SCIENCE, that people are animals, the behavior of the human race is a pretty good indicator.
At work, they trample through the produce department like a heard of fat ugly cattle. Go through the displays like a pig goes through his trough.
[the only redeeming quality about any of them is some of them are pretty sexy. There are some definite MILFs at my store]
Another example is the behavior of people in new Orleans during the Katrina incident.
Disgusting
Fucking
Filthy
Animals.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is that I can see complete societal collapse approaching. Maybe not for a couple years, but it is coming. Martial law will probably be imposed. Perhaps years before the collapse, or perhaps there will be some rebellion or staged terrorist attacks (it's happened before) or global nuclear warfare as countries fight over diminishing resources like water and land and oil and trees. In my opinion, any attack on freedom (such as martial law) is just as bad, if not worse than societal collapse.
I did a lot of thinking at work today along these lines. Not just total societal collapse either, but also if a natural disaster or something happened.
Some people would behave normal and try not to panic. They would probably die first if they don't escape. Most people will panic and try to escape. Some, however, (and these are the ones who will be labeled criminals) will try to survive. They will cast off their shackles of 'society' and reveal their true nature: that of the animal.
[at this point I'd also like to note that I think gun control is utterly retarded because criminals will obtain guns anyway. All gun control does is prevent an average person from defending themselves against a criminal brandishing a gun]
The reason I was thinking about these things is that I've been thinking about maybe having a family some day. A very very small family. (Yes, I know the world is overpopulated right now, BUT if certain things happen, we will need all the people we can get).
If I have a family, I plan on defending them. By any means necessary. I will not hesitate to kill in defense of my life or my family. This is how it is in nature, kill or be killed.
Now I'm not saying I want to kill. I try to live my life in accordance to PLUR. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. And if I am treated in that way, I will reciprocate. But, break into my house in the middle of the night and expect a couple bullets headed your way. Your brain will make a nice painting for my wall. Basically, I intend on having me and my family survive at any cost.
Survival at the expense of freedom though? That's a really tough question. And I hope I never have to make that choice. I guess currently I am surviving while some of my freedoms are limited. But would I fight an oppressive totalitarian regime? Currently I do not acknowledge the right of the government to tell me what I can or cannot put in my body. What I can or cannot say. What sexual preference I should have. Those things are not the business of the government. So although I may not have the freedoms, I still do what I want. And this, I'm sure, will someday be a cause of conflict.
I doubt I'll ever be the strongest. I doubt I'll ever be the best shot. I doubt I'll ever be the greatest assembly programmer of embedded micros. I doubt I'll ever be the best hacker.
But I can aspire to be.
I can aspire to be something more than the ignorant masses who sit their obese asses on their couches watching tv and collecting checks from the government.
I have aspirations to be greater than I am, to be better than I ever could be.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
the end of 2k8
It's been a while since I wrote about stuff happening in my life so now is the time of updating!
I passed all my courses.
Then it was christmas.
I got an electric guitar, a Squier Strat, and a Fender Frontman amp. Been practicing with it, it's fun :3
Also, got games and the usual shirts and stuff.
And work hadn't scheduled me for a couple weeks cause I took 2 weeks off for finals and they decided they need me more on days now so they gave me a couple more weeks. Which rocks.
Been pullin like 48 hour video game binges, hung out with friends, saw the movie 'the spirit'.
Back to games and stuff.
Also, happy new year!
I passed all my courses.
Then it was christmas.
I got an electric guitar, a Squier Strat, and a Fender Frontman amp. Been practicing with it, it's fun :3
Also, got games and the usual shirts and stuff.
And work hadn't scheduled me for a couple weeks cause I took 2 weeks off for finals and they decided they need me more on days now so they gave me a couple more weeks. Which rocks.
Been pullin like 48 hour video game binges, hung out with friends, saw the movie 'the spirit'.
Back to games and stuff.
Also, happy new year!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
the world is fucked up
so, how come Hitler and Hussein are so hated and condemned when Israel HAS BEEN AND CURRENTLY IS COMMITTING GENOCIDE?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Post
This system is for the use of authorized users only. Individuals using this computer system without authority or in the excess of their authority are subject to having all their activities on this system monitored and recorded by system personnel. In the course of monitoring individuals improperly using this system or in the course of system maintenance, the activities of authorized user may also be monitored. Anyone using this system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that if such monitoring reveals possible evidence of illegal activity or violation of University regulations system personnel may provide the evidence of such monitoring to University authorities and/or law enforcement officials.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
whirrr
*click click click GRIND*
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
whirrr
*click click click GRIND*
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
whirrr
*click click click GRIND*
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
whirrr
*click click click GRIND*
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
whirrr
*click click click GRIND*
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
whirrr
*click click click GRIND*
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.
This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.
I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.
The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.
I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails
I R AN AUTOMATON
I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh
Friday, November 21, 2008
sup
Atlas Shrugged is quite possibly the hardest book I have ever read.
It contains such profound concepts that you really have to read carefully and think hard about them so they sink in. I really enjoyed reading it and it even made me cry at one or two parts. And the end was magnificent!
I honestly think that if everyone in america lived by the principals in that book, the world would be a better place.
As for school stuff, we are within the last 3 weeks.
So! I have to finish the 3d multiplayer tank game with my group. The group is getting along well and I like my team members. We are making good progress. I still need to finish my chemical plant control software (and manual and report) and in web development I need to finish the power plant operator website. Ohh and I need to finish some DMAC labs and write an OS for my micro controller.
I also have almost all the electronics components I will ever need. And a fluke DVM and a couple more routers switches print-servers and miscellaneous stuff. And an antistatic mat. All I really need now is an oscilloscope. And I need to build a variable voltage power supply.
I dunno if I'm catching something or if it's the stress and lack of sleep but I've had no apatite lately. And it's taking at least 2 energy drinks to get through the day these days. (or a couple hydroxicut cause that's the only other caffeine thing I could find and I was in a hurry). And that nicotine gum, and the other prescription stimulants I am constantly on.
Also, me and a friend have made some possible insight on my depression and what seems to trigger it. And I seem to be happier when I get to voice chat with people while I am relaxing.
umm... I have 2.5 hours to sleep before I have to go into work...
so this will have to be sufficient
It contains such profound concepts that you really have to read carefully and think hard about them so they sink in. I really enjoyed reading it and it even made me cry at one or two parts. And the end was magnificent!
I honestly think that if everyone in america lived by the principals in that book, the world would be a better place.
As for school stuff, we are within the last 3 weeks.
So! I have to finish the 3d multiplayer tank game with my group. The group is getting along well and I like my team members. We are making good progress. I still need to finish my chemical plant control software (and manual and report) and in web development I need to finish the power plant operator website. Ohh and I need to finish some DMAC labs and write an OS for my micro controller.
I also have almost all the electronics components I will ever need. And a fluke DVM and a couple more routers switches print-servers and miscellaneous stuff. And an antistatic mat. All I really need now is an oscilloscope. And I need to build a variable voltage power supply.
I dunno if I'm catching something or if it's the stress and lack of sleep but I've had no apatite lately. And it's taking at least 2 energy drinks to get through the day these days. (or a couple hydroxicut cause that's the only other caffeine thing I could find and I was in a hurry). And that nicotine gum, and the other prescription stimulants I am constantly on.
Also, me and a friend have made some possible insight on my depression and what seems to trigger it. And I seem to be happier when I get to voice chat with people while I am relaxing.
umm... I have 2.5 hours to sleep before I have to go into work...
so this will have to be sufficient
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
--time;
there is never enough time.
I'm reading atlas shrugged when I can, I'm most of the way through it. It is way deeper than I anticipated and reading it in small doses also helps to let some of the concepts sink in.
Temperature sensor was finished and it works nice and is waterproof.
Work doesn't want me taking more days off, but I have so many projects because of school and I keep falling behind. I am going to demand some days off (again) and if they won't give me them I will not show up.
Because my priority is school and with the skills I have I could get a better paying job elsewhere or even just do some contract work.
And this entry is really short because I'm about to be kicked out of the lab because there is another class coming in.
PS remember when I mentioned I helped someone at my store by fixing the router that handled electronic transactions?
The manager gave me a gift certificate, and it felt really good. :3
I'm reading atlas shrugged when I can, I'm most of the way through it. It is way deeper than I anticipated and reading it in small doses also helps to let some of the concepts sink in.
Temperature sensor was finished and it works nice and is waterproof.
Work doesn't want me taking more days off, but I have so many projects because of school and I keep falling behind. I am going to demand some days off (again) and if they won't give me them I will not show up.
Because my priority is school and with the skills I have I could get a better paying job elsewhere or even just do some contract work.
And this entry is really short because I'm about to be kicked out of the lab because there is another class coming in.
PS remember when I mentioned I helped someone at my store by fixing the router that handled electronic transactions?
The manager gave me a gift certificate, and it felt really good. :3
Monday, October 06, 2008
oops, forgot to add something :(
Oops.
Forgot to mention something.
I found out the other day that one of my friends might be in a lot of trouble. Apparently he got mixed up with "the wrong crowd" and then ended up pissing a lot of them off.
And he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth, got fired from work, isn't answering phone or text, doesn't have anywhere to live and is roaming around with a tent (from all the info I could gather).
So I don't even know if he is alive or not. And that makes me sad. And worried.
I hope he is ok, cause he's a really good guy. :(
Also, I hope Katie is ok, cause I haven't heard from her for a while now... (last I heard, she was having some problems too, though not quite the same ones)
Forgot to mention something.
I found out the other day that one of my friends might be in a lot of trouble. Apparently he got mixed up with "the wrong crowd" and then ended up pissing a lot of them off.
And he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth, got fired from work, isn't answering phone or text, doesn't have anywhere to live and is roaming around with a tent (from all the info I could gather).
So I don't even know if he is alive or not. And that makes me sad. And worried.
I hope he is ok, cause he's a really good guy. :(
Also, I hope Katie is ok, cause I haven't heard from her for a while now... (last I heard, she was having some problems too, though not quite the same ones)
haven't written a longish entry for a while
I guess (one of) the problem(s) with me is something that is also one of my greatest strengths. I think it is mostly due to the way my brain is wired and also because of ADHD. I have trouble focusing on only one thing. So I spread my attention too thin. Sometimes, this works out well for me since it allows me to multitask really well, to jump from a problem to a solution in a parallel fashion (sometimes I even see code in my head... and sometimes I see the world in code).
Interestingly, there is another side to this. And that is the ability to become hyper fixated on something. An excessive amount of focus on one thing, to the exclusion of all else. My micro board is one of the things I've focused too much on lately. (Another classic part of ADHD is people will get hyper focused on stuff like daydreaming).
Anyway, the point of the above is that I've been slipping. I had friday off and I had planned to get caught up but I didn't. Then over the weekend, I worked and slept. And accomplished nothing. So now I need to work even harder to get caught up.
Actually, I wonder if I sub consciously like it.
I wonder if I do this to myself on purpose. I know I seem (I can't be sure since subjectivity, etc.) to get more done when I'm under more pressure, but is this because I crave the rush of adrenaline that it gives me?
There is something about the bus that kills me. I'll get on the bus, all excited to get home so I can get my homework done, but once I arrive, all that ambition, all the energy I had is gone. Replaced by fatigue and laziness.
I'm getting an impossible headache considering the analgesics and decongestants I'm on. I'm pretty sure I got over my cold and it's just remnants of it left.
I really need to hurry up and finish this blog so I can get to doing work.
Also, 'Atlas Shrugged' was a trap. I've been drawn into it and now I MUST read more of it every day. And I feel sad every single time I have to close the book because I have to eat or sleep or go to class. I don't want food, I want to read this book.
Towards the end of last week and over the weekend, I slept less and less and barely ate anything at all. Wasn't hungry. Wasn't tired. I think I was deriving energy from the very air itself. Or maybe all the stimulants. Unfortunately I crashed on sunday afternoon which was when I was gonna finish a few assignments. Oh well.
The other day at work, I was going on break trying to purchase some food but the debit wouldn't go through. In fact, the entire store was unable to process debit transactions and colleague (that's what the call us employees, lol) discount program. I was pretty upset, considering we've been having a lot of technology problems there lately so I went to talk to the manager who was handling this problem. In hindsight, I was /definitely/ taking a risk by walking right into the computer room unauthorized and interrupting her on the phone. I straight up asked her, what was the problem. And she told me that tech support told her to find a "blue oval router, whatever that is". Apparently they told her a cable was unplugged. And I explained to her that the router could just be locked up or unplugged, etc. She had no clue what she was doing and the routers weren't even in that room so I told her to follow me. And we went to the networking closet and I explained what I was going to do and why I was going to do it. Then I did it, power cycling three routers (I didn't have the network layout and I figured it would be faster to do it this way). One didn't come back on. My first assumption was that it was dead, but I thought I'd try some things so I unplugged all cables on it and plugged them back in which didn't solve anything. Then I unplugged the power adapter from the power bar and plugged it into a different port. And suddenly the router was performing it's POST. And she relayed what I was telling her to tech support and thanked them and hung up. And then debit transactions were working again!!
And she thanked and praised me profusely. And the reason I'm mentioning this is that it reminded me how much I enjoy being praised. That people appreciate what I do. Of course, I then proceeded to take my break (which meant I was gone from my department for longer than I was supposed to be, but hey, I was still doing work for the company :) ) It totally made my day.
And now that manager knows I can help with some of the tech stuff and she agreed to see if she could find me the network diagrams so I could more precisely identify the problem in the future. If anything were to happen. Because no one wants to be on the phone with tech support only to have to have them send someone out and then the store is crippled until they get there. She is nice and friendly and it rubbed off on my and I was somewhat nicer to customers and smiling at them and stuff, WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT LIKE ME, USUALLY I'M PRETTY APATHETIC TOWARDS CUSTOMERS BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE THEM VERY MUCH.
Oh, and I just happen to be wearing my Panic! at the Disco shirt today. And listening to Panic! at the Disco at this very moment. But I'm ending this here and I'm probably gonna switch to either psytrance or rave music or maybe NIN while I hack out some code.
I can totally rationalize my time on facebook since one of the things I'm supposed to be working on is javascript, lol.
Interestingly, there is another side to this. And that is the ability to become hyper fixated on something. An excessive amount of focus on one thing, to the exclusion of all else. My micro board is one of the things I've focused too much on lately. (Another classic part of ADHD is people will get hyper focused on stuff like daydreaming).
Anyway, the point of the above is that I've been slipping. I had friday off and I had planned to get caught up but I didn't. Then over the weekend, I worked and slept. And accomplished nothing. So now I need to work even harder to get caught up.
Actually, I wonder if I sub consciously like it.
I wonder if I do this to myself on purpose. I know I seem (I can't be sure since subjectivity, etc.) to get more done when I'm under more pressure, but is this because I crave the rush of adrenaline that it gives me?
There is something about the bus that kills me. I'll get on the bus, all excited to get home so I can get my homework done, but once I arrive, all that ambition, all the energy I had is gone. Replaced by fatigue and laziness.
I'm getting an impossible headache considering the analgesics and decongestants I'm on. I'm pretty sure I got over my cold and it's just remnants of it left.
I really need to hurry up and finish this blog so I can get to doing work.
Also, 'Atlas Shrugged' was a trap. I've been drawn into it and now I MUST read more of it every day. And I feel sad every single time I have to close the book because I have to eat or sleep or go to class. I don't want food, I want to read this book.
Towards the end of last week and over the weekend, I slept less and less and barely ate anything at all. Wasn't hungry. Wasn't tired. I think I was deriving energy from the very air itself. Or maybe all the stimulants. Unfortunately I crashed on sunday afternoon which was when I was gonna finish a few assignments. Oh well.
The other day at work, I was going on break trying to purchase some food but the debit wouldn't go through. In fact, the entire store was unable to process debit transactions and colleague (that's what the call us employees, lol) discount program. I was pretty upset, considering we've been having a lot of technology problems there lately so I went to talk to the manager who was handling this problem. In hindsight, I was /definitely/ taking a risk by walking right into the computer room unauthorized and interrupting her on the phone. I straight up asked her, what was the problem. And she told me that tech support told her to find a "blue oval router, whatever that is". Apparently they told her a cable was unplugged. And I explained to her that the router could just be locked up or unplugged, etc. She had no clue what she was doing and the routers weren't even in that room so I told her to follow me. And we went to the networking closet and I explained what I was going to do and why I was going to do it. Then I did it, power cycling three routers (I didn't have the network layout and I figured it would be faster to do it this way). One didn't come back on. My first assumption was that it was dead, but I thought I'd try some things so I unplugged all cables on it and plugged them back in which didn't solve anything. Then I unplugged the power adapter from the power bar and plugged it into a different port. And suddenly the router was performing it's POST. And she relayed what I was telling her to tech support and thanked them and hung up. And then debit transactions were working again!!
And she thanked and praised me profusely. And the reason I'm mentioning this is that it reminded me how much I enjoy being praised. That people appreciate what I do. Of course, I then proceeded to take my break (which meant I was gone from my department for longer than I was supposed to be, but hey, I was still doing work for the company :) ) It totally made my day.
And now that manager knows I can help with some of the tech stuff and she agreed to see if she could find me the network diagrams so I could more precisely identify the problem in the future. If anything were to happen. Because no one wants to be on the phone with tech support only to have to have them send someone out and then the store is crippled until they get there. She is nice and friendly and it rubbed off on my and I was somewhat nicer to customers and smiling at them and stuff, WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT LIKE ME, USUALLY I'M PRETTY APATHETIC TOWARDS CUSTOMERS BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE THEM VERY MUCH.
Oh, and I just happen to be wearing my Panic! at the Disco shirt today. And listening to Panic! at the Disco at this very moment. But I'm ending this here and I'm probably gonna switch to either psytrance or rave music or maybe NIN while I hack out some code.
I can totally rationalize my time on facebook since one of the things I'm supposed to be working on is javascript, lol.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Post
I apologize for any spelling errors or whatever, I'm rushing this cause I need to get some sleep before work
so I am about 15% through Atlas Shrugged.
I really identify with Dagny and Rearden. And I am outraged and disgusted and the way the world works.
And this book is way deeper than I thought it would be.
And it is causing me to not do my homework, lol.
I've been considering returning to some of the artsites I used to post on. But I need to find the inspiration to make meaningful art. And I'm bad at creativity.
I still need to finish the stupid webdev stuff and a couple C# apps that I should have written weeks ago. And I'm probably forgetting stuff, but sleep is beckoning.
Oh, for some reason I've barely eaten anything for the past few days. It's weird. I'm just not hungry. I think I'm living off of caffeine and stimulants at this point.
And I'm worried about a friend who got mixed up with the wrong people and now I don't even know if he is still alive or what. :(
I think in the past 2 days I got about 20 minutes of sleep. And I have no idea why... there are not enough hours to do everything that needs to be done
so I am about 15% through Atlas Shrugged.
I really identify with Dagny and Rearden. And I am outraged and disgusted and the way the world works.
And this book is way deeper than I thought it would be.
And it is causing me to not do my homework, lol.
I've been considering returning to some of the artsites I used to post on. But I need to find the inspiration to make meaningful art. And I'm bad at creativity.
I still need to finish the stupid webdev stuff and a couple C# apps that I should have written weeks ago. And I'm probably forgetting stuff, but sleep is beckoning.
Oh, for some reason I've barely eaten anything for the past few days. It's weird. I'm just not hungry. I think I'm living off of caffeine and stimulants at this point.
And I'm worried about a friend who got mixed up with the wrong people and now I don't even know if he is still alive or what. :(
I think in the past 2 days I got about 20 minutes of sleep. And I have no idea why... there are not enough hours to do everything that needs to be done
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