Tuesday, October 28, 2008

--time;

there is never enough time.

I'm reading atlas shrugged when I can, I'm most of the way through it. It is way deeper than I anticipated and reading it in small doses also helps to let some of the concepts sink in.

Temperature sensor was finished and it works nice and is waterproof.

Work doesn't want me taking more days off, but I have so many projects because of school and I keep falling behind. I am going to demand some days off (again) and if they won't give me them I will not show up.
Because my priority is school and with the skills I have I could get a better paying job elsewhere or even just do some contract work.

And this entry is really short because I'm about to be kicked out of the lab because there is another class coming in.

PS remember when I mentioned I helped someone at my store by fixing the router that handled electronic transactions?
The manager gave me a gift certificate, and it felt really good. :3

Monday, October 06, 2008

oops, forgot to add something :(

Oops.
Forgot to mention something.
I found out the other day that one of my friends might be in a lot of trouble. Apparently he got mixed up with "the wrong crowd" and then ended up pissing a lot of them off.
And he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth, got fired from work, isn't answering phone or text, doesn't have anywhere to live and is roaming around with a tent (from all the info I could gather).
So I don't even know if he is alive or not. And that makes me sad. And worried.
I hope he is ok, cause he's a really good guy. :(

Also, I hope Katie is ok, cause I haven't heard from her for a while now... (last I heard, she was having some problems too, though not quite the same ones)

haven't written a longish entry for a while

I guess (one of) the problem(s) with me is something that is also one of my greatest strengths. I think it is mostly due to the way my brain is wired and also because of ADHD. I have trouble focusing on only one thing. So I spread my attention too thin. Sometimes, this works out well for me since it allows me to multitask really well, to jump from a problem to a solution in a parallel fashion (sometimes I even see code in my head... and sometimes I see the world in code).
Interestingly, there is another side to this. And that is the ability to become hyper fixated on something. An excessive amount of focus on one thing, to the exclusion of all else. My micro board is one of the things I've focused too much on lately. (Another classic part of ADHD is people will get hyper focused on stuff like daydreaming).

Anyway, the point of the above is that I've been slipping. I had friday off and I had planned to get caught up but I didn't. Then over the weekend, I worked and slept. And accomplished nothing. So now I need to work even harder to get caught up.

Actually, I wonder if I sub consciously like it.
I wonder if I do this to myself on purpose. I know I seem (I can't be sure since subjectivity, etc.) to get more done when I'm under more pressure, but is this because I crave the rush of adrenaline that it gives me?

There is something about the bus that kills me. I'll get on the bus, all excited to get home so I can get my homework done, but once I arrive, all that ambition, all the energy I had is gone. Replaced by fatigue and laziness.

I'm getting an impossible headache considering the analgesics and decongestants I'm on. I'm pretty sure I got over my cold and it's just remnants of it left.
I really need to hurry up and finish this blog so I can get to doing work.

Also, 'Atlas Shrugged' was a trap. I've been drawn into it and now I MUST read more of it every day. And I feel sad every single time I have to close the book because I have to eat or sleep or go to class. I don't want food, I want to read this book.

Towards the end of last week and over the weekend, I slept less and less and barely ate anything at all. Wasn't hungry. Wasn't tired. I think I was deriving energy from the very air itself. Or maybe all the stimulants. Unfortunately I crashed on sunday afternoon which was when I was gonna finish a few assignments. Oh well.

The other day at work, I was going on break trying to purchase some food but the debit wouldn't go through. In fact, the entire store was unable to process debit transactions and colleague (that's what the call us employees, lol) discount program. I was pretty upset, considering we've been having a lot of technology problems there lately so I went to talk to the manager who was handling this problem. In hindsight, I was /definitely/ taking a risk by walking right into the computer room unauthorized and interrupting her on the phone. I straight up asked her, what was the problem. And she told me that tech support told her to find a "blue oval router, whatever that is". Apparently they told her a cable was unplugged. And I explained to her that the router could just be locked up or unplugged, etc. She had no clue what she was doing and the routers weren't even in that room so I told her to follow me. And we went to the networking closet and I explained what I was going to do and why I was going to do it. Then I did it, power cycling three routers (I didn't have the network layout and I figured it would be faster to do it this way). One didn't come back on. My first assumption was that it was dead, but I thought I'd try some things so I unplugged all cables on it and plugged them back in which didn't solve anything. Then I unplugged the power adapter from the power bar and plugged it into a different port. And suddenly the router was performing it's POST. And she relayed what I was telling her to tech support and thanked them and hung up. And then debit transactions were working again!!
And she thanked and praised me profusely. And the reason I'm mentioning this is that it reminded me how much I enjoy being praised. That people appreciate what I do. Of course, I then proceeded to take my break (which meant I was gone from my department for longer than I was supposed to be, but hey, I was still doing work for the company :) ) It totally made my day.
And now that manager knows I can help with some of the tech stuff and she agreed to see if she could find me the network diagrams so I could more precisely identify the problem in the future. If anything were to happen. Because no one wants to be on the phone with tech support only to have to have them send someone out and then the store is crippled until they get there. She is nice and friendly and it rubbed off on my and I was somewhat nicer to customers and smiling at them and stuff, WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT LIKE ME, USUALLY I'M PRETTY APATHETIC TOWARDS CUSTOMERS BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE THEM VERY MUCH.

Oh, and I just happen to be wearing my Panic! at the Disco shirt today. And listening to Panic! at the Disco at this very moment. But I'm ending this here and I'm probably gonna switch to either psytrance or rave music or maybe NIN while I hack out some code.
I can totally rationalize my time on facebook since one of the things I'm supposed to be working on is javascript, lol.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

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I apologize for any spelling errors or whatever, I'm rushing this cause I need to get some sleep before work
so I am about 15% through Atlas Shrugged.
I really identify with Dagny and Rearden. And I am outraged and disgusted and the way the world works.
And this book is way deeper than I thought it would be.
And it is causing me to not do my homework, lol.

I've been considering returning to some of the artsites I used to post on. But I need to find the inspiration to make meaningful art. And I'm bad at creativity.
I still need to finish the stupid webdev stuff and a couple C# apps that I should have written weeks ago. And I'm probably forgetting stuff, but sleep is beckoning.

Oh, for some reason I've barely eaten anything for the past few days. It's weird. I'm just not hungry. I think I'm living off of caffeine and stimulants at this point.
And I'm worried about a friend who got mixed up with the wrong people and now I don't even know if he is still alive or what. :(
I think in the past 2 days I got about 20 minutes of sleep. And I have no idea why... there are not enough hours to do everything that needs to be done

Thursday, October 02, 2008

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Well, I was gonna write a long entry about stuff but I got distracted by wasting my time on the internets so I didn't get around to it lol run on sentence

Anyway, I've been working with code and cold calculating logic and machines and circuits so much and I haven't hung out with anyone at all for weeks.
And I really miss cuddling :(

In other news, I am reading 'Atlas Shrugged'